Bring it all home now

Our last few days in Cabo were nothing short of idyllic. I mean, let's be honest, it isn't that hard to have a killer time when you are: eating, laying in the sun, have no access to cell service - aka THE REAL WORLD DOESN'T EXIST, and have the coolest vacay mates... but that all aside, the days got better and better as we were there, and my dread for coming home grew and grew.

Ladies and Gentlemen, my mom is a babe. So is Gwen. I can't call myself one, but you're welcome to. KIDDING!

We pretty much spent our last few days doing what I like to do best.. laying in the sun like lizards, just soaking it up. Gwen perfected her Summer Olympics 2016 gymnastics routines in the pool, I made valiant efforts to wear all of the bikinis I packed, and my parents tolerated taking pictures of us every five minutes per my requests (whaaaaaaaaaaaaa? someone has to document our lives!).

On one of our last nights there we decided to go to another dinner at one of the hotel's pools. Last dinner we attended was pirate themed, this one was to be a Mexican fiesta (hadn't my whole trip thus far been a Mexican fiesta?) I wasn't totally jazzed about the idea BUT figured it would be a great time to break out the skirt that took up almost a half a suitcase. Pretty much everyone who saw the skirt before I bought it (I have trouble making shopping decisions, ok ok, I have trouble not buying everything, so I frequently text/email etc pictures of items I am trying on/thinking about to people who I know will be brutal. The Englishman I am talking about you!) hated it. Pretty much everyone who saw the head scarf I am wearing also hated that too. I am pretty positive this is the best outfit I wore in Cabo. And have been dying to restyle that skirt once I can get my frankenfoot back into a heel - flats just don't really do it justice you feel me?

Child after my own heart. Started with dessert.

Last sunset of our vacation. Tear.

When pictured like this the suitcase situation looks bad. My mom and dad lived out of the two grey and light brown bags and that black ipad purse. All over bags are mine (and Gwen's). Ay de mi.

The night before we left my mom brought me mine and Gwen's passports from the safe in their hotel room. She casually said, don't forget to get your green card out of your purse because you never gave it to me with your passport. I laughed at her and responded that DUUUUH I had not brought my green card. My mom proceeded to DIE and say lots of things that are unrepeatable in prime time  We then had an epic showdown of words in which I told her that she had told me all my life that you never take your passport and green card anywhere together in case you lose them. You have to have one to replace the other... she responded that I was [basically] and idiot and that you can never leave the US without a green card when you are a permanent resident such as myself and that she hoped I loved Mexico as much as I professed to because I wasn't going to be leaving. I retorted that I had left the US many times and never taken a green card, and she  just laughed and told me good luck the next day at the airport. (Editor's note: this fight was shortened and taken down about 18 x's in aggression).

Baaaaaaaaaaasically the next day I was at the airport for all of 30 seconds before they asked for my green card and laughed in my face when I said I didn't have it. What happened then was some epic tears on my part, lots of parting of cash from my wallet to gate agents to use their computers/phone etc to call the British consulate in SF and a finally a purchase via my iPhone of a Visa Waiver program. We got to our plane, and were on our way. Crisis averted right?

Could it ever be that easy with moi? No, senora. When we got to customs in SF I was asked for my green card again. I proudly showed my Visa Waiver and expected a fanfare and red carpet to roll out for me. I was above using a green card now ladies and gentlemen. Instead I was met with a rude customs agent who informed I was breaking three federal laws using such a waiver as it didn't apply to my situation and then I was pretty much arrested. Gwen was taken from me and made to wait for my parents while I was interrogated and made to feel like the worst kind of illegal immigrant sneak attacker.

The thing is, after about thirty seconds in the customs office they were able to pull up all my info, old passports, green cards, alien number etc on their computer systems, I think they just enjoyed messing with me and being jerks. After a substantial amount of time and lots of "advice" that I never leave the US without my green card in hand again I was allowed to go... out into the cold, rainy SF night. Not quite the happy end to our vaca!

Cutest little traveling companion!

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