Bun-YUCK!

Next week I am having a bunionectomy. Gwendolyn calls my bunion my bun-yum and let me tell you, after meeting with my doctor and asking him 1,000 in depth questions (I am nothing if not a neurotic freak) and doing a rather disgusting series of Google image searches on bunions and surgery, I can accurately say there is nothing yummy about bunions. I may even teach Gwendolyn to call it my bun-yuck rather than to say bunion correctly.

How did I get in this predicament of barfyness you ask? See below.

hello lovers.

OK, not entirely. Bunions are caused by (and this ladies and gentlemen is the educational portion of this here blog so don't say I never gift you anything, knowledge is a beautiful gift - especially about such a relevant topic in your lives) genetics, injury to your foot, and poor or ill fitting shoes OR shoes that are narrow and high heeled. I have had minor bunions on both my feet for as long as I can remember, these are, I am sure due to my family predisposition for them, and due to my fabulous but not feet friendly heels. I often joke that heels don't hurt me because I haven't even had feeling in my feet in years. However, after severely injuring my right hip and subsequently walking oddly and injuring my foot, the bunion on my right foot has become so exacerbated that it is in constant pain and needs surgery. Training for and running a marathon with an improper gait, and continuing to wear heels despite my doctor's suggestion not to until my hip was better apparently didn't help matters either. Go figure!

I considered inserting pictures of bunions or of bunion surgery here. But I didn't eat for days after that Google image search and am sparing your eyes. If you are a masochist, or have an iron stomach, or just plain enjoy having to bleach your corneas go ahead! Google it. I dare you! Barf! (Editor's note: my foot may have a bad bunion but it still looks beautiful, nothing like this - do not click that link if you are not prepared with a trashcan to barf into!)

So, now here we are. About a week away from surgery and I am completely freaked out. At first the surgeon told me I was only going to be getting a local anesthetic. Obviously this would not do. The thought of lying there listening to them talk about what they were doing, turning on a buzz saw and being able to feel pressure and movement on my foot makes me get nauseous and fainty just typing about it. I have joked to no less than five people that if I only get a local I am prepared to die of the imagery my mind will conjure up while I am laying there. Death by imagined horror. However, after almost passing out during my routine blood test yesterday and then a more thorough X Ray my doctor has concluded that I need a general! Yay! Now if only he would give me one in a doggie bag to take home for later use... Apparently, my bunion is worse than he previously thought and he will have to not only operate on the bunion but also cut some nerves and tendons, and then realign three other toes in addition to my big toe (so, everything other than my pinkie!). This means they will have to shift my position during the surgery and therefore have to put me out! Hurray! Yipee! Small mercies right?

Also, I learned yesterday that my surgeon is only estimating I will be in a boot, NO CAST, for about 3-5 weeks rather than the sometimes 3 months people are in them post surgery. AND he has not only cleared me to run in the LA marathon in March and the SF marathon in June, but promised I would have a perfect foot to do both! He is even going to remove my ganglion cysts and other lumps and bumps and general ugly feet issues while he is in there to give me a perfect, gorgeous, bionic new footsie.

Drugs! No cast! A confident surgeon promising me the world! All made me a happy patient at my last pre-op appointment yesterday. Editor's note: this smile did not last once the blood drawing began. Why do I hate that so much?

Now, I just have to mentally gear up to do my commute to work each day on public transportation as I can not drive and find 3-5 weeks of cute flats to wear! So far I have only bought these adorbs guys... And really how many times can I wear red velvet slippers? I need lots of flat options people. If you have cute ones, STOP HOLDING OUT ON ME! Tell me where to buy them and copy you.

PLEASE send me cute flat suggestions! I have gone shopping TWICE now with the sole intention of buying flats for my post surgery days and hate them so much I can't bring myself to do it! In fact, just five minutes ago I bought these. Not helping.

What am I thinking?

PS: I wore these beauties yesterday to the podiatrist's office. No one there seemed to think they were as amazing as I do. But this is my last week of heels before a long long LOOOOOOOONG break... have to wear all my old favs one last time right?

PSA: Seriously, feet are lifetime things and you need them for important stuff like walking and kicking and encasing in all of gorgeous the Salon shoes at Nordstrom (see here all the beauties I want to buy - damn you bunYUCK) and you should always treat your feet properly. Wear roomy shoes with a boxy toe and don't dance en pointe or run marathons with broken legs. My shoe behavior and prior blatant disregard for doctor's suggestions on this blog should not be copied!