I have a lot of worries. I am kind of an obsessive worrier. Some of them are completely ridiculous (maybe one day I will write a post about all my inane paranoias, if only I wasn't so worried about what everyone would think reading them!!!) and one one in particular is really important. I worry about Gwen. I worry about her safety and her health, I worry about every little hair on her head. But mostly I worry about her being stuck with me all of the time.
I swear and can be a really difficult person to get along with. I was young when I had Gwen and have made more mistakes than are possibly countable in the almost 7 years we've been hanging out. I say things like "in the almost 7 years since we've been hanging out"... what kind of mother calls it "hanging out"? I rarely bake cookies for Gwen after school, and I talk to her like a sarcastic little adult, not like a kid most of the time. What if she turns out really warped and messed up? What if I never make up for the love and attention she is missing from not having a dad? What if the way I work with her doesn't work? What if she never feels loved enough, or happy enough, or like I am proud of her? I worry a lot. And those are just the worries I can list without oversharing!
The second worse feeling to worrying if you are inadequate as a single parent, is being told you are an inadequate single parent. Seriously. It is not a pleasant feeling. A few weeks ago I got a barrage of emails from Gwen's school letting me know that she was struggling in class and that we would need to discuss her behavior at our upcoming parent teacher conference. #canirunawaynowplease?
When I got more details, I totally inappropriately breathed a sigh of relief... Gwen was merely just being in other people's business and talking too much to get her work done? PHEW! A) I already know about this behavior (helllllooooo: we have been HANGING out for seven years now almost) and B) she learned it from me! I couldn't believe that THIS was what the teacher was worried about! We did discuss though what a intelligent and quick little girl Gwendolyn is and how she is potentially wasting that gift by being content to just chit chat and hang out (ugh that dreaded word again) rather than apply and push herself to be the best she could be. We agreed that Gwen needed to start bringing home a chart that showed how she was doing on some goals we set for her to accomplish in class.
At the time we agreed on the goal chart, the teacher informed me that currently Gwen would be receiving all check marks, not smiley faces (that's bad in 1st grade world) on each and every goal and would need to really focus and work hard. The first day Gwen came home with half check marks and half smiley faces! I was ecstatic. Welcome to Improvementville! Population: One Gwendolyn Newport. However, the following week Gwen continued to bring home the same results every day. I had a chat with her, amd then tried taking away all tv privileges, iPad privileges and the like with increasing aggressiveness every day as she still didn't bring home increasingly good reports each day. I was starting to get discouraged.
I read a few helpful links on the interwebs, talked to my sister, dad and mom and got all sorts of advice. My sister, mom and dad all also took the opportunity to talk to Gwen and lo and behold this village darn did raise that child['s goal sheet scores]!
Yesterday was a monumentous Monday in our household as after two weeks of goal sheet efforts it all culminated into this:
Of course this meant I had to stop on my way home from work (detoured by a car accident... boooo!) to pick up an ice cream cake to celebrate our success.
Our cousins are in town visiting and after chowing down on Gwen's cake two year old Gavin expressed his doubt that Gwen could pull off this feat again, or maybe just his frustration that his cake was all gone...
I am glad to say he was wrong! And I am glad I can not worry (at least for tonight)... Gwen hasn't died yet, I have never forgotten her anywhere, and when we work on goals - we achieve them! Hurray! Two PERFECT goal sheets in two days! Gooooo Gwen!
Oh, and I love ice cream cake, almost as much as the cute girl below. There better still be some left when I get home tonight!
Ha!! So funny - I completely missed the posts you wrote while I was there - right under your nose! How dare you stealth post without telling me! Don't you link to fb anymore or was I really that out of it?! :)
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